“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.” Aristotle
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks
into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Mark Twain
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein
Everyday Helplessness
Do you feel like you’ve lost control at work, home, kids, family, politics, health, finances? So who in the audience didn’t raise their hands? OK, everybody can agree we’ve lost control in various aspects of our lives- hell, the government has lost control as well. The signs are obvious from house foreclosures to political unrest, and obesity.
Learned Helplessness (in theory): a condition of a human being or an animal in which it has learned to behave helplessly, even when the opportunity is restored for it to help itself by avoiding an unpleasant or harmful circumstance to which it has been subjected. Learned helplessness theory may result from a perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation.
The most extensive research paper I did was on this topic. Why don’t people take action to help themselves especially if getting help is perfectly within their reach and they have the knowledge to do something about it. People know large meals with poor nutrition isn’t good for them, and worse, they’ll feel awful after they consume it, so why do they do it anyway? Why remain helpless?
People don’t change unless they are uncomfortable enough with their current situation that it is in fact easier to change than remain the same. Well, I aim to make people uncomfortable here, enough to bring awareness to you about how uncomfortable your life has become by just taking it, just settling.
The study that originated the Learned Helplessness theory in which dogs periodically received an electrical shock that they could do nothing to stop (yes, studies were brutal back then). When the dogs were placed in an area where they could easily escape the shock, they didn’t even try.
Other studies similar to this are of babies and their mothers. When babies cry, they expect to be fulfilled by mom, or a caretaker, and when they’re not, they begin to not cry as much, showing little affect as time goes on while not getting their needs met. They lose hope and become helpless. Some people wouldn’t mind if their baby cried less, but they would be teaching their child to be helpless. The best way is to vary the time it takes to respond to your baby, this is realistic of the world they are growing up in- sometimes you get what you want and others times not, but at least they will keep on trying- that’s a good thing.
Learned Helplessness has taught the scientific community a lot about depression, obesity, addictions, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder found largely in soldiers and abuse victims. It’s currently being used for the training of law enforcement and military, effects of terrorist attacks, treatments for addictions and depression, aging and the elderly in nursing homes, abusive relationships, and child development.
“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Victims of our past
We learned the helplessness habit a long time ago. One of the primary characteristics of learned helplessness is that the person feels passive with respect to “the system”; work, school economics, politics.
Whenever we are subjected to abuse, physical, emotional or spiritual, two patterns form inside us: the victim and the abuser. Many people view the world in these two perspectives only. When they abuse, they justify it with “it just happened” and when they are abused, they “don’t know why they put up with it”. Both are helpless positions.
What do you do? To change and unlearn a habit is basically like learning something new. You identify the necessary skills, practice, and practice some more until you’ve overcome and/or mastered it. I’ll give you some specifics later…
“If you are attached to a position, you can’t see things as they are.” Manjushri
Political party with no pants!
Let me be the first to admit defeat and apathy when it comes to recent political agendas. I’m fed up, but have no idea what to do- helplessness has sunk in. We often look at the big picture, impatient for immediate results, and it all seems overwhelming. We need to take a few steps back and realize what we can do- action is power.
My friend, Jim, and fellow hubber, known as “themanwithnopants” came to my mind as I was writing on this topic. He is someone who has every excuse (if you knew his past) to be helpless if he wanted to, but is far from it.
Jim started out writing about the indecencies and blatant corruption within the government. Now he is putting his words into action and recently started a group to be reckoned with, The Housefire Project. The great thing is it’s a group for left or right, high or low, republican, independent, or democrat (please note: terrorists not welcome)- in other words, everybody’s welcome. Those labels hold us back and enable us to stay helpless, but here’s power in numbers and action and I have to commend my friend for doing this. I never pictured him as the type to sit on his butt, writing hubs about politics and simply hoping it would change- like many of us do. He’s taking action as we all should, if not with him, then in some way of our own.
“If we believe that what we do is caused by forces outside of us, we are acting like dead machines, not living people. We must take responsibility for our actions.” William Glasser
Climbing Helpless Hill
OK, so you’re helpless, not a weakness, it’s just a road block. There are ways to retrain yourself and get your life back.
use your knowledge and past experiences to solve problems. By now you know what doesn’t work, you’ve no doubt learned some things along the way, now use every bit of your knowledge to move forward.
engage in life, participate more, get involved, rather than sit things out and be a spectator.
Reflect on past successes and think of what you did to achieve them.
We must really want to live our own life and not one prescribed by our family, society, culture, profession or tradition.
Just like the quote in the beginning, start by changing your habits to fit your goals.
Small steps and small successes lead to big things. Break down overwhelming tasks into smaller ones. People who write out steps to take for completing goals are more likely to follow through.
if you think you might be depressed, then get a doctor’s opinion- sometimes medication is necessary.
Self-hypnosis CD’s work great for treating specific areas you’d like to work on. Hypnosis works by putting a picture in our head of what we want, then living the life and behavior that gets us there.
Ever heard of “Don’t let life happen to you. You need to happen to life.” Be purposeful when you do things. Question things around you, things people say, question my hub if you need to. Don’t just accept everything that is handed to you because I’ve learned most of what people want to give you is their crap.
Replace a negative outlook with a positive one. Some of the most accomplished figures in our history were those that failed a lot. The difference; they saw failure as nothing more than a learning opportunity.
Recognize what you’re good at, Make your strengths work for you.
In every situation, find the things that you can control, even if it’s only your attitude about something. I know some people “give it to God”, but people must also realize “God helps those who help themselves” too.
, Helplessness; Unlearning The Habit That Holds You Back www.ozeldersin.com bitirme tezi,ödev,proje dönem ödevi